after the dust settles
by The People Speak
Summary: After Scarif, the war doesn't end, and not everyone comes out completely alright. / the five times Cassian needed Jyn and the one time she needed him.


_WARNINGS: mentions of torture and violence in pt.v_

* * *

 _i._

Cassian heard the shots from the blaster zip overhead and he swore under his breath. He crouched lower behind the shipping crate, but he needed to move. The speeder nearest to him was in flames and he couldn't see any of his allies. He flipped the safety on his blaster off and lifted himself so that his head and arms were just barely above the level of the crate.

He fired four quick shots in succession and four 'troopers hit the ground ungracefully. He took the temporary lull in blaster fire as an opening and ran for the next available cover. A blast singed through his shirt and he cursed more aggressively and rolled, dropping into a crouch. A fellow rebel was also crouched beside him and she was looking at him.

"Wasn't this supposed to be a smooth pick-up, Captain?" she asked.

Cassian scowled. "It was, but it would have been nice if Draven told me this cover was compromised before I left." Shots pinged into the post above his head, spraying dust down across the two of them. He coughed and waved his hand to clear it. "Get most of the team out. I just need to get the weapons manifest and then we can go. Make sure that Bodhi has the ship ready."

"You'll never make it," the sergeant informed him.

Cassian popped up and shot down two more 'troopers. "I don't really have an option, so go!" She cast him one last glance before turning and sprinting off. Cassian took aim and shot down the 'trooper taking aim at her.

She was right. The manifesto was still undownloaded, inside the building that the 'troopers had surrounded. He didn't even have anyone inside. There were only four 'troopers left around the entrance, but there was a sniper on a nearby roof that was giving him trouble. Plus, there were more reinforcements on their way. If he was going to get inside, it had to been then, but he'd only get three steps before he was gunned down by the sniper.

Unfortunately, Cassian's current annoyance was perched on a roof out of range and at the wrong angle for him to take the 'trooper out himself. He picked off another 'trooper scowled fiercely, letting another string of curses flood out of him, only half in English. A string of blaster shots came from out of nowhere and two more 'troopers collapsed. His head whipped to the side and he saw Jyn lying flat against a crate as she took aim at the last trooper guarding the door.

After she pulled the trigger, her eyes flickered to him. "Cassian, go! I've got your back!"

He nodded to her, but glanced up at the rooftops. "The sniper!" he called to her in reminder.

Jyn scowled, looking as frustrated as he felt. "I've got him," she promised.

Cassian didn't doubt her. He leapt over the box neatly and broke for the doors. Shots blasted into the loose sand at his feet and he nearly lost his footing. He heard Jyn grunt in frustration, but the shots from the sniper stopped coming at him and he quickly slipped inside the building. Jyn could handle herself. She had made it more than clear in the past.

He scaled the stairs two at a time and found the databank he was looking for. Two shots rendered the Empire Lieutenants incapacitated and Cassian plugged his drive in. He peered out the window as the file downloaded and caught sight of the limp body of the sniper on the roof. A smile twitched on his expression. Jyn had done her job well. He looked for her briefly and spotted her now leaning against a pillar, picking off approaching 'troopers.

Cassian glanced back at the files and saw they'd stopped downloading. He ejected the drive and shoved it into a pocket in his jacket. He sprinted down the stairs, leaping over the last bannister and dropping squarely on the head of the local weapons dealer. The man collapsed under him and Cassian just kept running.

The approaching 'troopers caught sight of him and started shooting, but they were thinned out quickly by Jyn. She was waiting for Cassian at the mouth of an alley and he ducked into it, grabbing her arm and pulling her after him. They ran three more blocks without stopping before they found where Bodhi had landed the ship. The rest of the rebel forces were already on board and Cassian and Jyn both leapt on easily, yelling for Bodhi to close the hatch.

Cassian all but crumpled to the floor, breathing hard. He ran his hands through his hair and let out a long sigh. He unzipped the Imperial jacket and ripped his arms out of it. There was a sizeable burn hole in the back and Cassian just growled lowly and tossed it aside. He tipped his head back and rested it against the metal wall of the ship.

Jyn dropped her blaster to the ground and sat against the wall opposite him. Cassian studied her. Aside from the dust, she seemed fine and he closed his eyes and breathed deeply. Jyn didn't say anything at first, so they listened to the thrum of the engine for a minute as Bodhi piloted them away from Jekobah.

"Thanks," Cassian said finally. Jyn raised her eyebrows. "For the cover," he elaborated.

Jyn smiled coyly and went back to polishing her blaster, the same blaster that had once been his. "Any day."

* * *

 _ii._

Cassian was back on the beach at Scarif. The waves of radiation from the Death Star's blast were speeding towards him and he couldn't move from the sand, like it was holding him down. Beside him, Jyn was crumpled against his side, unmoving, and her limp fingers were coiled in his own.

K-2SO's farewell was echoing in his head and there were still explosions going off across the island. He was dead. Jyn was dead. K-2SO was dead. Bodhi, Chirrut, and Baze would be dead soon too if they weren't already.

And the plans were clutched in his free hand. It was all for nothing.

He wanted to run, but his insides were on fire and his body wouldn't move. He wanted to drag Jyn back across the sand and just close his eyes as the radiation washed over him. But, he was stuck at the edge of the water, looking into the burning yellow wave of death as it neared him. He felt a terrified scream rip from his throat as the first of the burning waves embraced him.

And then he woke up.

He was thrashing in his bed and his sheets were long discarded on the floor. The air was cold, but there was something warm pinning his wrists and torso down against the cot. Cassian blinked, trying to drive away his exhaustion and see what was holding him down. It took a couple seconds for him to realise it was a person.

Jyn was sitting on top of him, leaning close as she pressed his arms against his bunk. She was breathing heavily and Cassian realised that he was too. Her green eyes were wide as she stared down at him and Cassian felt shame wash over him. He was an intelligence agent. He should not be torn up and straight up uncontrollable because of a dream.

"Cass," Jyn whispered slowly. He tensed under her touch as she released his wrists and gently brushed against the side of his head. "You okay?"

"Fine," he replied lowly. His voice was gruff from lack of sleep and the terror that had blanketed him.

Jyn slowly released him and shifted off of him so she was sitting on the edge of his bed instead of on top of him. Cassian sat up beside her and put his head in his hands, pulling at his hair. His head was aching and he wanted nothing more than to roll over and have a peaceful, dreamless night's sleep for once. But, with Scarif fresh in his mind now, it was indisputable that he'd only have more terrible dreams of dying.

"Cassian, talk to me," Jyn encouraged softly.

Gentle creaks of metal told Cassian that no one else in the bunker was awake, or at awake enough to listen in. He massaged his temples and kept his gaze trained on the ground, using his training to empty his mind and calm his breathing. Jyn grew tired of his evasiveness and she used her hands to turn his face towards her. Cassian saw concern glittering in her green eyes under the low light of the emergency lights.

Jyn studied his stoic expression for a minute. "It was Scarif again, wasn't it?"

"Every night," Cassian murmured, almost surprised at the hoarseness of his own voice. "Every night we all die and it never ends. The plans never get out. Sometimes it's the blast and other times it's just Krennic shooting us, but," he trailed off, squeezing his eyes shut.

"Cassian, I have the dreams too," she murmured gently.

He pulled out of her grip. "I'm the intelligence agent," he insisted. "I should be better than this."

Jyn's hand brushed against his face before twisting into his hair. She hummed low, under her breath and almost like she didn't want him to hear her, but he did. Cassian found her hand with her own and finally drove away his shame. He cradled her slim fingers in his own and brought it to his chest.

Jyn watched him carefully, before drawing her other arm around his shoulder. Cassian sunk into her, letting his head fall to rest on her shoulder. He breathed her in because she was Jyn and they were alive.

"Stay," he murmured gently.

Jyn's hand ran along his shoulder and up his neck, tickling at the edge of his hairline. He closed his eyes and focused on remembering the truth. Scarif had been a close call, but they'd made it. They had lost most of the Rogue One squadron, but Chirrut, Baze, Bodhi, Jyn, and he had all made it out safely thanks to some quick work by Bodhi.

They had lost K-2SO, but Cassian had saved his droid's backup system and had pestered Draven until he received a replacement droid. K-2SO was back, minus the memories of Scarif, but he was back and Cassian was glad for that.

After Scarif, and a month spent in the med-bay recovering from his blaster wound, Cassian was assigned back to the Rebel Intelligence sector. Bodhi was assigned as his pilot, Chirrut and Baze kind of did whatever, and Jyn was assigned to the Pathfinders. Still, the group remained close, and Cassian made sure that the Pathfinders lent him Jyn whenever he even remotely needed her assistance.

It was nice to have her around. It reminded him that they survived and that he wasn't just dreaming. Jyn never complained either. Cassian took another deep breath. Tonight wasn't the first time that they'd awoken to each other having terrible nightmares. Jyn didn't move away and stayed silent.

She didn't leave him.

* * *

 _iii._

Jyn's hand was gripping his arm so tightly he felt like she was going to cut off his circulation. Cassian's lips twitched into a smile. It was almost weird to see her so out of her element when he was so deep in his. The material of his suit was going to be crinkled under her grip, but he didn't bother trying to get her to relax. He hoped she would settle in as the night continues, but his hopes were not high. Jyn Erso liked to be in control and being undercover at an Imperial function, was not her idea of being in control.

Cassian snagged a flute of champagne from a passing waiter and handed it to Jyn without breaking stride. Her free hand curled around the stem of the flute, but she gave him an odd look.

"Is this a good idea?" she asked quietly

He smiled at her affectionately like she had said something sweet. "Blend," he advised under his breath. "Blend, and relax. I don't actually care if you drink a drop or not."

Jyn mustered a smile in return and took a sip of the alcohol. "So where do we start?"

Cassian's eyes latched onto an Imperial Captain nearby that he vaguely recognised and he gestured to Jyn. "There. He can probably tell us where the roster is being kept."

Jyn nodded slowly. Cassian felt her take a deep breath and he gently removed his arm from her grasp, moving it to the small of her back, leading her in a more intimate fashion. Jyn was still tense, but he dipped his head to her ear. "Relax," he breathed. He pressed a kiss to her hairline as he withdrew.

"Newlyweds?" a voice interrupted.

Cassian turned, all poise and calmness, and saw the Imperial Captain and his finely dressed wife standing right before them. The wife was the one who had spoken and she was looking between Cassian and Jyn with admiration and a gentleness in her eyes.

"Yes," Cassian agreed. "We married just over a month ago."

"Congratulations," the Imperial Captain commended. "I was wondering why I might not have had the pleasure to meet your wife at our last meeting Jael."

"She is shy," Cassian said, letting affection creep into his voice. "She did not want to encroach on business affairs for me, but I managed to convince her once we were finally married."

Jyn gave the best smile she could muster and the officer's wife reached out a hand. "I'm Ginerva, and this is Raol."

Thankfully Jyn stuck to the cover Cassian had given her. "Virginie Staves." She shook the captain's wife's hand and flashed a gentle smile.

Cassian tucked an arm around her waist, pulling her closer to his side and Jyn nearly fell, pressing a hand into his chest to keep her balance. He wanted to laugh. She had complained about how unsteady she felt in the shoes before they were leaving, but Cassian insisted that she had to wear them. He was going to hear a lot of complaints after this whole thing was over.

"Anything new in the outer systems?" Raol asked, studying Cassian.

Cassian shook his head. "All has been quiet, thankfully. The Rebel scum must be losing moral. They're like squashed bugs."

Jyn's fingers wound into the fabric of his jacket at his words. She didn't quite understand what he was going for, but she did manage to keep her face clear of emotions. He lifted his hand and gently brushed it against hers, trying to help her relax a little. She loosened her grip, but she didn't move away or remove her hand, though part of that was probably to keep up the image of her being an obedient Imperial wife.

"We captured a squadron of the fools a week back. The register is actually on this station," Raol commented.

"Any Imperial spies?" Cassian asked coolly.

"None that have come forth," Raol said.

"Perhaps I should look into the list," Cassian suggested. "I have worked with lots of our spies. I might recognise some aliases."

Raol shrugged. "I suppose. It's in the east wing in the fifth room to the right if you want to take a look after the party."

Cassian smiled gratefully and brushed his hand against his nose like it was itchy. Jyn caught his signal and tugged insistently on his arm, batting her eyelashes. He could see the fury of complacency burning in her eyes, but the Imperials only saw an amorous wife.

"Darling," Jyn began, the word rolling off her tongue funny. "I'm famished. Would you mind taking me to get something to eat?"

"Of course," Cassian replied. He leant down and kissed Jyn's cheek and he didn't miss the surprise that flashed through her eyes. He smiled politely at Raol and Ginerva in farewell and he dropped his hand back to Jyn's lower back. "It was nice to speak with you."

They made their way over to a table of food and Cassian made sure to never stray far from Jyn. She wasn't comfortable undercover, and there were enough leering officers at the party that his alerts were on high. Her dark blue dress with a low-neck and high leg slit didn't help either. Jyn started helping herself to some food, but she caught his eye and looked at him curiously.

Cassian nodded and Jyn dropped her plate to the table, taking on an expression of fury. "You ass!" she exclaimed loudly. Several heads turned in their direction. Cassian brushed a hand against her elbow, encouraging her, but playing up the act at the same time. "I can't believe you! I saw you looking at her!"

Cassian watched as emotions crackled through Jyn's eyes and he almost believed that she was really furiously jealous for a moment. She spun out of his grip, stalking towards the east hallway. People parted out of her way and Cassian grimaced and pursued her. The fight was staged of course, and he was supposed to follow her, but letting Jyn go without him felt wrong enough.

Jyn had already nearly downloaded the complete list when he caught up with her and they exchanged wary smiles. Everything was going to plan.

Just as the thought had crossed Cassian's mind, there was a familiar sound as the boots of 'troopers tromped down the hall, towards them. He swore under his breath and looked around the bare computer room for a hiding place. There was none and he looked back at Jyn who was staring at him, her gaze hard and nervous.

An idea popped into Cassian's head and he ran with it. He gently pushed Jyn back into the console before leaning down and kissing her, hard. She was motionless against him for a moment before she started to return his kiss with equal ferocity. Cassian quickly lifted her onto the console, ignoring the squeak of surprise that she let out. Jyn's hands curled on his collar and one dangerously touched the back of his jaw, encouraging him.

A loud cough caught his attention and he broke away. He turned to the door and saw a very not amused stormtrooper Lieutenant standing in the doorway. Cassian straightened his collar, smiling sheepishly as he showed off his forged ranking.

"You should return to the party, Captain," the 'trooper suggested.

"Yes, of course," Cassian agreed. He turned back to Jyn and helped her down off the console as well as unplugging their drive. He slid the drive into his pocket and turned back to the Lieutenant. "My wife and I just needed some privacy for a moment."

The 'trooper didn't look amused, but he turned and left. Cassian breathed out a long sigh. He glanced at Jyn. Her cheeks were still flushed from the heat of his sudden kiss and his lips twitched into a smile.

"Thanks," he said. "Sorry if I took you off guard."

"It's fine," Jyn said. She straightened her shoulders, but the blush in her cheeks didn't fade and Cassian knew it was most likely not fine, but he didn't press her.

They had what they came for.

* * *

 _iv._

Cassian's glare was sharp enough to cut glass. His current companion didn't even flinch or acknowledge him. It usually took a lot to get on Cassian's nerves, thanks to his intelligence training, but Han Solo appeared to have an exceptional talent for pissing him off.

At first, Cassian hadn't even been sure what about the man angered him so much. He had helped destroy the Death Star when Cassian himself had been incapacitated. He had helped rescue Princess Leia. But, he had a grating arrogance and air about him that made Cassian want to break something.

He knew that Han had no respect for the Rebellion, besides that which he carried for the Princess. Having grown up in the Rebellion, Cassian felt like the lack of respect was a blatant sign of his inadequacy. It didn't help that he knew some gritty details about Solo's smuggling past that made him even less likeable.

But, for some godforsaken reason, Princess Leia liked him, and many members of the Rebellion did too. Even Jyn could stand to have a conversation with him. That in itself was frustrating enough for Cassian. K-2SO shared his sentiments about Captain Solo, but Cassian knew that K-2 didn't care much for anybody other than him.

Cassian threw back the rest of his drink and slammed the glass down on the counter. This finally caught Solo's attention and the man raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Who pissed in your drink, Andor?"

Cassian just frowned. "It's nothing."

Solo laughed. "Yeah, that's convincing." His gaze drifted and Cassian watched Han Solo carefully. He saw Captain Solo pick out Jyn in the crowd and Cassian's frown deepened. "I bet," Han continued, taking a sip of his own drink, "that is has something to do with your girl."

"Jyn Erso is a friend and nothing more," Cassian said bluntly.

"Right," Han agreed sarcastically. "And that's why you're moping and she looks lost. I'd bet a month's rations that it's because of what happened on your last mission."

Cassian's eyes narrowed sharply. "And what do you know about that?"

"Enough," Solo quipped.

"To be fair," Luke cut in, and Cassian glanced at the pilot. "Most people read the mission report. K-2 didn't really leave anything out of it."

Cassian's frown turned into a full scowl. Sometimes he hated how K-2 was a robot and included absolutely everything in a mission report, even if Cassian classified it as unimportant or private information.

"Exaggeration," Cassian said firmly.

Han snorted. "Droids don't exaggerate. Everyone knows that." He took a sip of his drink and sized up Cassian. "So you guys kissed. You're in Intelligence, aren't you? Why is it a big deal?"

"I am, but she is not," Cassian replied, his words clipped. "It is not a big deal anyways."

Han rolled his eyes. "Right. You're very convincing when you're gripping a glass hard enough to break it. I wonder with your type sometimes how you manage to succeed at spying if you can't tell a lie to your own comrade."

Cassian seethed. He was about thirteen seconds away from walking away from Captain Solo and leaving the cantina altogether. He wanted to go to the gun range and shoot something. A lot. Preferably a target with Solo's face on it.

"A month's rations bet that you can't go over there and kiss her again," Han proposed, watching Cassian through the amber liquid in his glass. Cassian glanced at Jyn. She was seated next to Chirrut and across from Bodhi and was smiling at something the monk had said.

"I don't need your rations," Cassian replied stiffly.

"How about this then: I'll shut up and stay away from you for a whole month then. If you don't do it, you come for drinks with Luke and I three times a week," Han offered.

Luke blanched. "Don't drag me into this," he begged.

Han Solo rolled his eyes. "Come on, you'd be here anyway."

"Deal," Cassian said sharply. Anything to get him to shut up.

Han smirked and leant back in his chair. "Alright Captain, go get the girl."

Cassian stood up from his seat, placing his empty glass back on the table before heading towards where his squadron was sitting. He hadn't even quite reached the table before Chirrut was sliding away from Jyn, off the edge of the bench. Everyone stared at him before realising that Cassian was approaching.

Chirrut's blind eyes turned in his direction. Though he couldn't see, Chirrut's dead gaze was fixed on a point to the left of Cassian's head. "I don't need to be here for this," he muttered. The monk then turned and walked off. Baze followed immediately, but Bodhi and Jyn looked between Cassian and Chirrut's disappearing form several times.

Cassian dropped into the seat next to Jyn and their legs brushed. He really had no idea why he was succumbing to Han Solo's taunts, but it really came down to him wanting to shut him up, even if only for a month.

"Everything alright, Cassian?" Bodhi asked.

Cassian gave a wry, only partly sincere smile. "Sure," he answered.

Jyn was studying him. "Give us a minute, Bodhi, won't you?"

The pilot blinked, but nodded. "Ah sure." He stood and walked back towards where Luke and Han were sitting. Luke and Bodhi had formed a pilot bond and had become decent enough friends.

"What's up, Cassian?" Jyn demanded. "You look like you swallowed an entire altizide."

"Solo is pissing me off," he grunted.

Jyn's lips twitched. "Of course he is. You two have very different ideals."

"I need to win a bet," Cassian said, a little quieter. He shut his eyes and took in a deep breath.

Jyn was sitting right next to him, staring at him curiously. Cassian lifted his hand to her jaw and guided their lips together. The kiss was much softer and less frantic than the one they'd shared at the Imperial function, but it still carried emotion. He moved his lips softly against hers and was almost surprised when she easily recuperated. He pulled back and his thumb grazed her cheek. He was smiling.

"A bet, huh?" Jyn asked. She looked a little flustered. Cassian was torn between wanting to go rub his victory in Captain Solo's face or wanting to kiss Jyn again.

He settled on the first option. He withdrew his hand from Jyn's face and stood from the bench. Jyn's hand locked around his wrist and he looked back down at her.

She was smirking. "Do I get to know what you won at least?"

* * *

 _v._

The switch cracked across his back and Cassian flinched. It came again and again until he could feel the trickle of his own blood down his back. He kept his shoulders loose and relaxed and breathed deeply. He recited the alphabet in Festian and in common. He started counting in his head as the switch cracked down three more times.

Then it stopped and shoes clicked on the stone flooring until they were right in front of them. A slender hand roughly grabbed his chin, tilting it up and Cassian swallowed his anger, forcing himself to focus on his breathing.

"Are you ready yet, rebel scum?" the woman hissed, her yellow eyes as sharp as flints.

Cassian did not relent. He bit his tongue and stared the woman straight in the eyes. She snarled and backhanded him to the ground. Every muscle and every bruise he hand screamed in protest, but he did not move, staying low. He shut his eyes and tuned out the woman's angry rant to the man that always accompanied her.

Cassian called Jyn's face to the front of his memory. He thought about the slope of her nose and the planes of her cheeks and the green of her eyes. He remembered the twinkle in them and the bone-crushing hug she gave him before he left on his latest mission. It was strange for him to go without Bodhi, but the defected pilot was known in this system, so Cassian went on a mission without a single member of the Rogue One squadron.

He did not know how many days he had been imprisoned. His cover had only lasted him two before it was blown and he was beaten and dragged to a stone cell with no light. They searched him and they took the pill sewn into his collar and despite what he prayed, they also took his shoes and the three pills sewed into their lining.

So he endured. He let his mind lie blank except for the faces of people: of Jyn, of Bodhi, of Chirrut, of Baze, of Leia, and even of Han Solo. He forced his body to be limp when they beat him and he did not make a sound. He was Rebel Intelligence, but he had people to protect and they would not find them because of him.

He would die before he gave them up, and at the rate they were going, he would be dead before long.

At first, he had tried to refuse food and water, but he learned they would only beat him more fiercely, so Cassian ate and he drank and he suffered and he prayed. He had never been very religious, and he had never too much reason to believe in the Force, but in a dark cell with nothing but his own thoughts and pain, he hoped.

Rebellions are founded on hope.

He had spoken those words to Jyn when they met, and when he thought about the slim chance of hope he had now, her face came with it. She was there with him, bracing him and giving him strength. When he dreamt, he dreamt of Jyn and returning to Hoth's freezing climate if only to hold her in his arms again.

Still, the commander of the ship and his sadistic wife tried to break him. Cassian blocked it out and he suffered and dreamt of hope and white flags over the stark black and red of the Empire.

The door of the cell slammed shut and he was left in darkness again. Cassian shifted, angling so his back touched the ground as little as possible. His eyes drifted half-shut and he tasted the blood in his mouth from where he'd been muffling his screams. They had to realise soon that he would not say anything.

Grunts and screams echoed down the hallway outside his cell and Cassian squeezed his eyes shut. It was in his head. It had to be. It would not have been the first time he hallucinated assaults on the base. The shouts of battle did not fade and footsteps pounded against the floor outside and the tremors rocked the stone floor beneath him. His eyes cracked open. This was real. Over the gunfire, he heard it.

"Cassian!" That was Jyn and she sounded nearly hysterical.

He opened his mouth to call to her, but his voice died in his chest and he could barely do more than twist his head to look at his cell door, willing it to open desperately. There was a painful moment of nothing before the cell door slid away and there were three figures in the doorway, armed heavily with blasters.

They were clad in Rebellion gear and faltered at the sight of him. None of them moved, but it took only a second before they were shoved aside. Jyn Erso stumbled in and let out a hoarse cry when she saw him.

Jyn threw herself to the ground next to him, but her hands did not brush against him. There was fear in her eyes and Cassian knew she was afraid that if she touched him, he would just crack.

"Cassian," her voice came out lower than a whisper.

He felt a smile tug at his lips and his eyes closed again. "You came."

He held onto the image ofJyn's face, split with worry, panic, and relief as he let blackness wash over him at last.

* * *

 _+1_

Jyn couldn't remember ever spending this much time in the med bay.

Getting hurt herself was always just solved with a hypospray and a bacta patch. If she was really unlucky, or Cassian was very insistent, she might have spent a night on a cot in the sterile environment, but usually, she was in and out. It just felt too clean and too precise.

She liked to be in control. It was a secret to no one, but she wasn't sure she'd ever felt this helpless. Being undercover in a dress with her only weapon as a vibroblade was scary, but this is new and terrifying and dizzying. Her hands fisted in the white sheets as she stared. Her shoulder was aching underneath the applied bacta patch, but her own blaster injury was the least of her concern.

Cassian was completely motionless on the cot before her aside from the shallow rise and fall of his chest. He had been in and out of both bacta and surgery for several days as they repaired the physical damage he had sustained, especially the damaged nerves in his back. They hadn't promised he would wake up, but he would survive. At this point, she wasn't sure that was good enough.

When he left, she hadn't been worried. It was just another mission and nothing was supposed to go wrong. But after three days, she hadn't received word that Cassian had checked in. A verbal stint with Draven had revealed to her that his most recent comm was from when he had arrived, and his comm had since been disconnected.

Jyn had considered him dead. Cassian had so much loyalty to the Rebellion. She knew how many pills he carried, especially while undercover, and she knew he would have taken them without a second thought. Still, she'd rebuked her duties and curled in her bunk for an entire day, speaking only momentarily with Bodhi and Chirrut.

The news that he was alive was like a bucket of ice water to the face. Since the moment she had discovered it, she had petitioned and fought and tried to bribe for a rescue. Because he was Cassian and he wouldn't crack. Draven supported her, but the other councillors insisted that he could handle a few more days.

The day they were supposed to launch their expedition for his rescue, Hoth was attacked. Jyn had been dragged screaming above an evacuation pod and she hadn't spoken to anyone for three days following their flee to the _Redemption_.

Then finally, _finally_ , they left to rescue him. Jyn had taken out an entire squadron of 'troopers and shot a captain and his wife dead without even thinking because she needed to find Cassian. And he was alive, but _just barely_ and she knew that they'd come just when they needed too because he looked so broken and so dead and she nearly died with him.

Jyn's hand gripped Cassian's. His was cool and limp and had been for over a month. Her thumb traced circles over his knuckles like his had for her when she was nervous and undercover, but his grip did not change. He was slack and unresponsive.

Since his recovery, Jyn had been plagued by nightmares. It started with his rescue. She had dreamt that they'd recovered him as nothing more than a limp form with all the life drained from him. That dream on its own had her waking up in cold sweats alone with tears stinging in the corners of her eyes.

Next had come the dreams of Scarif and drowning in the water as the radiation engulfed them all. She awoke thrashing and crying and though Bodhi's gentle touch calmed her a little, she always ended up in the med bay holding Cassian's hand, dark circles getting more and more prominent under her eyes.

"Cass," she murmured. Her voice came out soft and broken. "Please come back." She lay her head down on the edge of his cot, but she didn't let go of his hand. "I don't want to do this without you. I need you."

Her words were spoken with a desperation she'd felt few times in her life: losing her mother, losing Saw for the first time, losing her father, Scarif, and now. The tears in her eyes were nothing new, but they didn't fall. She'd cried so much in the last year and a half. Part of her wanted to just run away from it all, but somehow she knew she'd always keep coming back to his side.

"Please, Cassian," she whispered, her voice sharp with her pain. "Come back."

The sudden tension on her hands felt fake, it felt imagined, but the soft skin brushing over her own was not and Jyn jerked away, dropping his hand like it was ice. Cassian's eyes were half-lidded but open and his hand bent from holding hers. His chest rose and fell steadily and Jyn blinked away her tears, waiting for reality to set back in.

"Jyn," he whispered. His voice was hoarse from not being used and she nearly collapsed from her chair. "I'm always coming back."

She leant forwards, gripping his hand and hunching over him, kissing him like he was the air she needed to breathe. He kissed her back for a moment before he turned his head away, sucking in real air to his damaged lungs. Jyn let out a shaky laugh.

"You're alive."

"Of course," he responded softly. "You needed me."

* * *

 _So I saw Rogue One on Friday night. It's good. They deserved better. Fix-it fics are good.  
_

 _Tumblr: nicolewrites  
AO3: nicole_writes_


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